Tuesday, August 08, 2006

There is a bump in the ground right in front of the abyss. Ordinarily, one would gaze upon its endlessness and see a patch of darkness, and would make themselves believe that THAT is the end of the drop.

Well, in a sense, that is true, even if that patch does not really represent the ground beneath the cliff, even if that patch just goes to show that even light cannot reach the deeper end of the hole. Because if someone were to fall into it, he would have experienced his end in the vicinity of the blackness, and from then on, if he ceases to exist, so will everything else.

And so, on one extraordinary day, i chose to be unaware of what my feet were doing and they took the liberty of tripping over the bump. I will explain the next everything in slow motion.

For about a short while(3 miliseconds, being the average human reaction time), i was still walking. Now this is important because this is the difference between a careful person and a dead one. The next thing that happened to me was my heart skipped a beat and i stopped breathing. My arms were outstretched hoping for an embrace but caught thin air instead. And when my body was in the air horizontally, i realised i was on my way down.

It was frantic. I couldn't think straight. I wanted to do silly things hoping for something unexpected to happen. in other words, i was hoping for the best but expecting the worst. But then, me being me, i told myself that i've already fallen, so might as well make the best of the situation.

And so i thought about the bump that caused my fall(yeah, blame it on bump), and wondered if i should been more careful. Rational. But i realised that no one is rational at all times. What is rationality anyway? How is it meaningful? Does it really prevent a fall?

And so i stopped blaming the bump. I stopped blaming myself. And i started to think about all the wonderful things that happened before feet hit bump. How do you recapitulate your life in 10 seconds? You don't. You don't even take away those that aren't on your priorities. You simply focus on what you cherish the most. I can tell u, having fallen to my death, that the mind works extremely quickly when deciding on such a complex task as arranging your priorities. Makes you wonder what you've been doing pondering over all your indecisions.

Next, i've sort out all my priorities, blessed my loved ones, threw away my wallet, took off my clothes and shoes and specs. Yup i was ready to return to mother nature as innocently as i've been delivered into this world. What is there to be afraid or ashamed of? I'm sure clothes aren't in that priority list 8 miliseconds ago.

And then i hit the blackness. Consciousness decided to bail out from my soul. And after some delay, i reached the ground. Splattered with guts spilling all over. Some shit from yesterday's beer hit an unlucky vulture waiting to pounce on my carcass(we're all animals). Vulture vomits in disgust. I'm dead, and there's no way back.

Have you died? I have, and it's wonderful, because you always die a better person. Next time i wanna die again and see if my mind can work faster putting my priorities in order. And i wanna find out whether they will consistently be the same again.

Can anyone guess what the bump is? And what did that death really mean?


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